I've got a poem based on my thoughts and feelings about a current relationship to use as a basis on a longer piece. I've written an essay based on the poem below.
After reading the poem and essay, I tell you how I wrote my poem and essay. Ready? Here I go!
as a chance
on life and love
to give me
and for me
to give love
to my trauma
My healing began as a chance on life and love with one other. Alone and wanting to experience a deeper connection with a man I made a decision that changed my life forever once more. I chose to visit the bar scene in my new town despite having a history with unsuccessful drinking and dating.
I allowed myself to fall for a man who shook my soul. I wanted him to give me his love. I wanted to experience my soul's desire to connect with a man through loving him.
I awakened my old wounds of trauma through his trauma; I shook his hand and made eye contact. His tears revealed his heart to my eyes and my heart felt at home with his through the touch of his hand.
I began feeling my broken dreams from his spilt pain. In each glass I drank, I felt he poured his heart and reached mine all night.
I forgive myself for trying to love him when he wasn't ready. And I forgive him for choosing to love me and let me go.
Now I have a decision to make. I know letting go of the dream of love is easy. Accepting the truth of love is painful because I haven't experienced it the way I want it to be.
I'm a virgin at 42. He had his concept of me before he knew and it changed after he found out. I believe I'm not rejected because I'm a virgin. I'm rejected because he may be afraid to reclaim his virginity.
So many people have lost it. And so few actually enjoyed their first time or so it seems. I'm not sure of his story. I'm more certain of mine.
All my life I wanted people to tell me "I believe you". As a person who who has experienced sexual abuse from females in my past, I want people to believe me when I say "I'm straight". Sexual experiences with women feel unnatural to me just like a lesbian having sex with a man feels unnatural to her. This explanation is clear and still people question why I'm a virgin.
It's painful because it beings up all of my doubts about what I know to be true about love. I know my parents have been married for over 40 years and they love each other just as much as they did when they first met. I have a desire for a relationship just as satisfying and I know living with and loving a man is apart of my vision.
I know I'm taking a risk here telling people on my blog that I have trouble believing in myself. I'm taking a risk by accepting the truth of taking a chance on love with someone who shakes up my world. A truth that involves the possibility of never being able to speak to my Twin Flame again and only loving him through the dream state. Understanding that if I choose to love someone else, he will love someone other then me too.
I feel my journey to healing started by learning how to deal with what comes from the earthquake of meeting a soul like no one else I've ever met.
I write and find resolution through healing on my own.
Now let me break down how I did this. Ready? Here I go!
I was confused about my thoughts and feelings about Twinflameship. I felt like I needed to start setting boundaries with others to protect myself. Boundaries in the dream state as well as the physical state.
I've been struggling to make peace with where things in my love life are at this time. I needed to make a summary of thoughts and feelings to find where I need to go next
I set a short word limit for my poem. 280 characters. This is the word limit on the Twitter App at this moment in time, in 2021. Any short count will do though.
Then I took each stanza and used it as the first sentence. I used each stanza to build a paragraph. Then once all those were used up, I improvised and wrote further to figure out my solution to end the confusion on this Twinflameship.
I feel this method can be used for fiction as well. Pick a character to follow or a plot point to follow and see where it takes your writing. The solution to the confusion of where your story wants to take you may be waiting in an essay like this one.
I know my solution to my confusion is not easy to take, but since I wrote it clear and direct, I can undertand it and take it in so I can set the boundaries in my life with anyone I cross in the dream state or in physical life.
If you try this out, let me know in the comments below if it works for you.
And follow me on social media so you know when I post my blogs and podcasts.
Thanks for listening!