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Tuesday, June 29, 2021

Podcast 5: Bisensual-Sexuality; Heterosexual Based Homosexual Engagement



About this Podcast:


Content Warning:

In honor of Pride Month, I have chosen to write about my Bisensual-Sexuality. This podcast contains frank sexual discussion. If you have minors or live with people who are offended by frank sexual talk, I suggest you take your device to another room and listen. I

n this podcast I will be discussing my experience in love and sex, as a Woman who is still a Virgin with a high sex drive. There is nothing graphic to describe in this podcast, however my coping skills for how I deal with this are honest and are only meant for adults to listen to.

I also discuss sexuality, namely what I identify as in order to set myself free from self-doubt about my sex life and how I want to live it once and for all. If this interests you, stick around and listen. Now on to the podcast...


Listen here: 



How do you accept yourself if you're not quite heterosexual?

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this in the comments below!

Sharing Information:

If you feel this Podcast article helped you today, share this Podcast from my website to other social media platforms to reach those who want to listen. Click on either of the share icons at the top and bottom of the blog post to access all social media links, a copy link, and my contact email. Sending me an email from my website is the best way to contact me if you are up for discussion. Please don’t send any pictures or memes unless by request. Please treat me with respect. I respect you by not collecting your information to sell you products now or in the future.


Thanks for Listening!























Thursday, June 17, 2021

Astrology From the Perspective of Bipolar I: One Patient's Journey into Spirituality, A Blog Post




Astrology From the Perspective of Bipolar I: One Patient's Journey into Spirituality, A Blog Post by Jessica Berck Hensley of Undone Spirit 333



Early this morning I found the key to the moments that set my life on fire by comparing two different styles of Astrology charts. I used a Siderial Chart And a Tropical Chart.

The difference between Siderial time and Tropical time in Astrology.


A Siderial Chart is based on the Stars and Planets in place on a person's birth time as Earth orbits around the Sun. The Tropical chart focuses on the Stars and Planets motion around the Earth at the moment of birth.


Siderial Time is Earth Centered. Tropical Time is Air centered. This is an important point as I begin this story of my spiritual journey and how I used Astrology to help me see where I've been and how I can do better now.

Where my study of Astrology began


When I was 14, I just fell for my second crush. I wanted to know when we would marry. I decided Astrology was the best way to help me figure this out. It didn't, so I bought Tarot Cards a year later. Those didn't help either. My Mom bought me a pendulum set. Looking Back the pendulum gave me initials. But my crush wasn't there. So, I stopped using that too.


In college, I had another crush. It wasn't going anywhere so I went to an Astrologer at a market. She said I'd meet the one I'd marry in my late thirties. I didn't want to wait until then. So I wasn't sure what to do. I was having social issues with my roomates. I was going to therapy on Campus. I had to drop out of classes because the work load was too much. I was contemplating leaving college.


A gift: An Astrology Reading about my place in the world


My Mom bought me a present for my 19th Birthday. An Astrology Reading at a New Age Shop in a small sleepy village 30 minutes away from where we lived in Northern Virgina. The first words out of the Astrologer's mouth were "Are you certain you were born at the time your Mom stated?" I said yes, it's on the birth certificate. She said " Oh wow. Hmm." My Mom said she was going to go shopping in another part of the block. So it was just me and the Astrologer.


The Astrologer closed the shop to give me my reading in private. We sat down and she pressed record on a casette tape recorder. The Astrology reading was in session.


She strarted out talking about Greek Mythology and the four elements, Fire, Water, Air, and Earth. Then she told me that I was going to come across a lot of nasty people and that I needed to learn how to stand up to them. That I was too week and needed to be strong.


Then she told me that I needed to make my health a priority because there was a big event I needed to prepare for. Giving up meat and becoming a vegetarian was one thing, drinking water was another.


After that she said I would "go completely nuts". She said that during that time I needed to study deities. She said they would help put things in perspective after the painful confusing, yet enlightening breakthrough.


After that she told me that if I wanted to do art for my career, that I should do something people could use. This broke my heart. I loved painting and drawing. I also loved jewelry making though so that wasn't the worst advice.


But here's the thing that has stuck out in my mind over the years. She said that romance was tough and I would meet "the one" but that there are other people in the world and finding a compatable person who isn't "the one" is just as good.


Here is the thing that has stood out the most as the thing that is truly senseless. I go through a spiritual transformation that is painful and scary and learn to fight for myself all to end up with a "compatible" person, not someone who I feel strongly connected too? Not someone who is spiritual like me and matches my energy?


After that she handed me an Astrology Chart with no notes, just a computer drawn set of graphics. It was a Siderial Chart. On my own, I learned about Astrology from Tropical Time. Little did I know that it was only half the puzzle to the mystery of what my life was about.


I listened to the tape weekly. Taking in everything she said to heart. There were some life events I experienced that support what she predicted would happen in my early and mid-twenties. I used to think it was self-fulling prophesy only.

My own Astrology Reading I give to myself today


Just this morning,  I looked at both charts to get the whole picture and it's all there. And she is at the center of it. This is not meant to blame. In fact I'm stating this because this person was a key part of my learning about my life purpose. The planet in both charts at the same degree in the same sign in two houses. The house on work and health on the tropical chart, and the house of love and business partnership in the siderial chart.


What I've learned is that the Siderial Chart shows the blueprint for a person's life. It shows what events are meant to happen or not happen. It also shows what age they will happen at. And aspects show direct correlations between events that can affect the person and how they choose to handle them.


The tropical chart is similar, however it shows the ideal way that life can go. It shows the positive actions that can be taken to soften the blow of life lessons. It also shows the challenges a person faces in handling certain life events.


I believe in reincarnation so I see the Siderial Chart as a karmic chart and the Tropical chart as the present life chart. When used together, understanding my life purpose and how I have arrived here is the greatist gift I've given myself.

I know myself more now than I ever have before


The Astrologer told me I needed to stand up for myself. I did. I told myself what was true for myself by looking at the whole picture. Not just the things I wanted to hear. And not just the things I was "supposed" to listen too. I took in everything in.

I'm able to see from my analysis I'm where I'm meant to be. And since I've read my own chart using my study of Astrology, I can proove to myself that no matter whether my decisions were wrong, risky, or right, I learned from all of them. I took strategies from my Mental Health Study, through therapy, and have learned how to deal with being triggered by things I can't control the outcome of.

I've learned that had I just followed my intuition about my psychic abilities instead of trying to fight them with logical thought I'd be happier.

My experience on combining Sideral and Tropical Time in Astrology Readings


I think Astrology, for me, can best be summed up as a roadtrip across the country. You have a destination, I call it wisdom. There is a destination and before I get there I have restaurants to go to, stores to shop at, gas stations to get fueled up, and hotels to sleep in. Not only that there are attractions such as National Parks and Amusement Parks to see.


Some places won't be as nice as I thought they'd be. Some can be downright dirty. Others will be better than I ever thought they could be. But after the road trip I will have gained knowledge of where I've been, where I want to revisit, and where I don't ever want to go again. And then I can figure out my plans for the next road trip.


Have you ever had someone read your natal chart? Did it help you on your Spiritual Journey? Let me know in the comments below.



If you like this article please share it on Social Media. Or tell someone in person to go read it. Thanks for reading!


Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Understanding Bipolar I and Psychic Mediumship Ability: One Patient's Experience, A Blog Post




Understanding Bipolar I and Psychic Mediumship Ability: One Patient's Experience, A Blog Post



I have a story to share with you. I'm a Psychic
Medium. I'm 97% accurate in my abilities. 

And I have Bipolar I,which is Bipolar with a psychotic element. This type of Bipolar not only has High and Low Moods, i.e. mood swings, it has a diagnosis that says the patient has had at least one psychotic break before being diagnosed with the mood disorder.

I had a psychotic break 15 years ago. I also had euphioric highs and deep depressions. My depression was so deep I was put on antidepressants by my primary care doctor as I didn't know I had Bipolar II. 

During my psychotic break I thought I was using psychic abilities. I had hallucinations, visual and auditory. I thought I was communicating with actors and talk show guests through the Television. I thought I had telepathic communication with the man I loved in another country.

During my psychotic break everything was nonsense. I laughed at things that I thought were jokes that weren't. I lunged at people I thought were evil. I thought the man I loved was with me everywhere I went even though he was 3,000 miles away. I held a seat for him in a crowded movie theater because I thought he was physically with me even though he wasn't.

"I held a seat for him in a crowded
 movie theater because I thought he
 was physically with me even though
 he wasn't."

I was put on medication after this break and now I'm on less medication then I started out on all those years back.

Two years ago, I embraced my true psychic abilities again. 

I opened my heart to someone and fell in love. Also my Mom was sick during the that time. There were passed on ancestors communing with me during my Mom's time in the hospital. Both falling in love with someone and being close to someone who was very ill brought in my Spiritual awakening.

 "Both falling in love with someone
 and being close to someone who was
 very ill brought in my Spiritual
 awakening."

My Mom pulled through her illness. The man I love has stopped communication with me in life. I consider myself in a Twinflameship. It's like a relationship, but there is much that happens psychically between the two people because the two people are in seperation. I feel we communicate in the dream state. I don't know if anything will happen between us anymore. I just know I feel connected to him still.

My psychic abilities are strong. My mediumship abilities are stronger. Here is an anecdote I have for you to prove this point.


My Grandma passed away in February 2021 from Covid. The disease was still raging and she couldn't be buried until a week later. I communed with her all week. When it came time for the funeral, it was held on Zoom.

Before it started I had this feeling that I needed to clean up the space where I usually work in. It's away from my parents space. Its like a den area open to the other part of the living space. 

Some relatives that passed in the year before, visited me and told me to sweep up the space. One said "You know, you're going to have to come back and clean more up later".

I didn't think much of it, though he was very stern with me. It was unusual because when I knew him, he was so relaxed and in a pleasant mood.

My Dad insisted on watching the Funeral on Zoom on his own device. The funeral began and me and my Mom had to go to the other space I just cleaned up to watch the funeral since there was feedback from both devices playing in the same room. The funeral was the perfect send-off to a legend, my Grandma.

After the funeral was over, I went back to clean up anything I didn't clean up before. Then I had this feeling I needed to clean the kitchen. I swept under the stove. There was a piece of glass.

 "Then I had this feeling I needed to
 clean the kitchen. I swept under the
 stove. There was a piece of glass."

 All of us who live in the house have Diabetes. If any of us step on it, we could be in serious trouble with our health. 

My passed on relative who visited before smiled and said "See?" Then he left.

I'm still in awe of what took place. 

My Grandma was always on us about our health. My Grandpa died of complications from Diabetes as have other members of my family. She always wanted us to stay healthy.

I feel like she was looking out for us. Not only because we could develop infections from stepping on the glass, but that we could all do better in managing our Diabetes.

I still commune with my Grandma. She gives me advice on life. My Grandpa is my Guardian angel. He and my Grandma watch over me and the rest of my family.

Though I'm still grieving her loss, I know she is with all her family and friends who have passed. She is also with the love of her life. She is in Spirit and yet has a new life on the other side.

There are people who treat my mental illness and don't believe this story. 

They don't believe me when I tell them of other deaths in the family and I knew things of the deceased that I couldn't have known since I hadn't met them. 

They don't believe me when I tell them a Tarot card designer responded to a reading I did on Social Media with his cards. He commented on the reading I posted on Social Media over a year ago. I shared a message of text with an initial of a passed on ancestor. He said thank you and acknowledged he knew someone with said initial.

"I shared a message of text with an
 initial of a passed on ancestor. He
 said thank you and acknowledged he
 knew someone with said initial."

They don't believe me when I talk about my Twinflameship and that I recieve messages about my twin flame person and have confirmation it was real. Even when I tell them I recieved a channeled message from my Twinflame person before bed time. And that the next day an article popped up on my Social Media Timeline written by a man who had the same problem in a relationship that my Twinflame just experienced in one of his old relationships.

They don't trust that during my psychotic break my experience was brought on by my quitting an antidepressant completely without tapering off the pills with a doctor's supervision which caused me to have a drug trip.

They don't know I've had psychic ability all my life. But it was blocked until 2 years ago because I shut my heart and soul off from trusting in a higher power.

They're in disbelief when I say I'm doing better then I ever have before. Sure I'm only taking a Mood Stabalizer without the rest of the cocktail and we have a natural conversation. But I know deep down they're still convinced that any messages I hear from any spirit source are false. 

 "But I know deep down they're still
 convinced that any messages I hear
 from any spirit source are false."

They think I'm using my belief in my psychic abilities as a coping mechanism triggered by my relationship and family dynamics.

Here's what I know.


I'm telling my story because I know there are other people who've experienced the same things I have and continue to do so. 

I'm not afraid to speak up about my life. My ego wants validation that I'm mentally stable. My soul knows the only validation I need is from my Higher Power. 

 "My soul knows the only validation I
 need is from my Higher Power."

I'm not afraid to walk the line between my Bipolar I diagnosis and my Psychic Mediumship ability anymore. I know it's my true nature to embrace the unknown.

And in doing that I live.


Do you have a mental illness and psychic mediumship ability?


 Comment below!

 Thanks for reading!

Thursday, June 3, 2021

Treatment Options to Maintain Mental Health for Bipolar I: One Patient’s Opinion, A Blog Post


 

Fair Warning: In the Podcast Episode 3, Self-Love the first step to becoming a better co-creator, I discussed my career history and touched on my Mental Illness briefly. In this post I will be sharing more about the treatment I’ve received over the last 15 years and how I’ve made the decision to cut back on my medicine with the help of my psychiatrist.

 
I have Bipolar I and I have an opinion on my treatment. If you have a mental illness consult your doctors before making any decisions on treatment. This is an opinion post that I feel may help people in a similar situation. It may not be what you need. Please keep in mind your condition before making any decisions on treatment. On to the blog post:


Bipolar I is a mental illness that is a mood disorder. Moods swing from low to high and if uncontrollable can cause the person with Bipolar I to act out in destructive ways to themselves and others. A person can experience euphoria and lose touch with reality. It can also cause someone to act out improperly in social situations, i.e., saying things that are sexual or telling jokes somewhere it’s not appropriate to do so. I have bipolar disorder. However, I disagree with my type of diagnosis.

I feel I’m more of a Bipolar II. I look back at my possible bipolar disorder undiagnosed and only had a psychotic break when I was on Antidepressants and quit them without tapering down the doses. I’m not sure if I still would have had a psychotic break had I not taken the antidepressants. Even if I would still have it, I feel my original type is important in my current treatment.

To clarify, Bipolar II has mood swings from low to high and they aren’t as severe, though can turn severe if not treated. Severe doesn’t lead to a psychotic break. It can lead to needing to take time to rest and recuperate. Highs are not euphoric. A person can talk too much and clean up their whole house before going to bed. Again, that is not severe and will not hurt anyone. Though the person may be worn out from doing that so they will be tired. It could hurt them if they need to go to work and are too tired to do so.

In my opinion people who take drugs for mental illness, recreational or prescribed, don’t want to feel pain. Sometimes they don’t want to feel pleasure either as many times that ends in pain. They just want to be numb.

Are drugs the answer to stopping people from feeling emotions?

My answer is no, for the most part. I need to face my pain and figure out how to turn it into something that helps me feel better.

Mood stabilizers are brain stabilizers. Bipolar medication needs to stabilize the chemical workings in the brain to help a person with bipolar disorder experience emotions at a safe level.

If moods are too high or low, A person with bipolar disorder is put on a Mood Stabilizer only, usually, for Bipolar II. For Bipolar I, a Mood Stabilizer, Antipsychotics and Antidepressants are prescribed together. This is known as a cocktail as it is meant to make you feel just as good or better then the alcoholic version.

However, as someone with Bipolar Disorder I, I feel its possible the brain can heal after consistent use of medication and less needs to be prescribed. Or possibly, none needs to be prescribed, however in my case I feel I need at least one medicine to function in society. Now I only take a Mood Stabilizer. I no longer take an Antidepressant or Antipsychotic medication, though I did need them when I was on them at the time. I took them for 15 years.

Also, therapy needs to be applied consistently so emotions can be at safe levels. Coping skills need to be in place to help keep emotional stability.

Medicine and therapy need to be used together for a person with bipolar disorder to function well, not only in society, but in their own life.

I’ve been in therapy, off and on, for over 20 years. In the beginning I was diagnosed with depression because I have two moods, irritable and depressed. Once in awhile I can’t stop laughing. I also will talk incessantly if I feel comfortable with someone. The Irritability, laughing uncontrollably, and pressure speech are all Bipolar II Symptoms. I hid them from my therapists very well. I took a test once and answered any question that discussed any manic behavior with the opposite response. Because I did this, I hurt myself more then if I would have if I had been honest up front.

I hid my symptoms from my therapists because I knew that in the mid-nineties, Treatment was Lithium which caused weight gain and other symptoms that sounded bad to me. I didn’t want those meds, so I kept my manic side hidden. I’d say I’ve had Bipolar since I hit puberty and started menstruating. I believe my bipolar disorder is related to my Period. The current literature on bipolar disorder says there is no connection. However, I know I didn’t have any Bipolar symptoms until I developed into a young woman.

I had some childhood trauma that was more confusing than harmful when I look back. I also made some mistakes that I wish I could take back. All these things haunted me through my adulthood, and I never dealt with them in a way that would help me manage the pain of the past so it wouldn’t hold me back.

I worked as a volunteer in government office jobs in my teenage years and got my first paying job when I was 23. Unfortunately, when I branched out of the safety of jobs that felt comfortable, I didn’t know how to handle the stress of being in situations where I felt like I wasn’t able to do my job to the standards of a strict manager and/or co-workers who were upset that they needed to carry my responsibilities when I couldn’t handle them.

At some of my jobs I lost my temper in public. Those were the jobs that have stuck with me. Those are the one’s I keep thinking are the only possible jobs available that pay a living wage. And knowing that I am unable to hold my temper, even though at some jobs I was medicated with a cocktail, I feel I am still unable to work. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut if I feel something isn’t right. I scream and disrupt the office or retail establishment. Yes, this is immature and wrong. However, it is how I deal with work situations where I am treated unfairly.

I’m taking a risk by writing this essay on my treatment because I am on SSI disability from the United States Government. I am on disability because I am deemed unable to work. This is due to my past Psychotic Break brought on stress from school and losing my temper over insignificant things where I ended up disrupting the work environment. Right now, I am no longer experiencing any psychotic symptoms. I haven’t experienced them since my diagnosis of Bipolar I 15 years ago. However, for awhile I had no access to therapy and so I had no coping skills to deal with my improper handling of stressful situations with people I work with.

I’ve had steady therapy since 2013. I’m at a point where I don’t know how much more therapy I need. For 2 years I’ve been studying Spirituality. In addition to therapy, my Spiritual beliefs have helped me develop better coping skills for tough situations. This is because for a year and a half, I gave Tarot Readings on my blog. I even gave some personal readings away for free. What I discovered is that I have Psychic Mediumship abilities. I have proof of stories from my family about my abilities. I knew things about people who have passed on that I couldn’t possibly have known as I never met the person.

Then at holiday time I cooked and baked up a storm. I couldn’t stop. This wore me out. So, at the beginning of this year, I knew I needed a change in my treatment. I was put on a new Antipsychotic Medication. It was like another one that I had a bad reaction too, but I thought maybe this would be different. It was different and it was worse. Also, I had a psychic experience due to my Twinflameship, which I’ve discussed in my Podcast Episode 1: Twin Flame Relationships the doorway to Co-creation. Sometimes I wonder if it was due to this new medicine I tried. I don’t think so. However, there were other problems it caused that still stick with me today.

My psychiatrist told me that I only had this Antipsychotic as an option because my Cocktail stopped working. The antidepressant was giving me mania, not euphoric mania, but hypomania meaning I would do too much and then get very tired in a depression. The medicine was making my Bipolar worse. So, this new medicine was prescribed, I tried it and though a few things were good, there were so many things that went wrong with my physical body that I couldn’t handle it anymore. I tapered off the pills slow as prescribed to do and I am doing well now.

I decided that I’ve been taking the cocktail for 15 years. I had three years where I took one and it set me back because that antipsychotic pill was wrong for me, but I knew it was better then taking nothing. Despite any setbacks I’ve had, I knew that my brain healed sufficiently to make this decision as I did the therapeutic work on creating coping skills to deal with my depression and mania. I feel that I am a Bipolar II. I don’t have Euphoria and I haven’t had a deep depression for years. It’s not to say a deep depression can’t happen again, it’s more like I can deal with depression better now then I could in the past.

My observation is that the Bipolar I people who are not able to only take a Mood Stabilizer have stopped their medication many times without a doctor’s supervision. They never took it long enough and consistently enough for the medication to help the brain heal. I rarely missed a day of medicine in all my 15 years, and I continue to take my medicine regularly.

One thing that antipsychotic medications do is cause diabetes and high cholesterol due to weight gain in people who have a family history of those diseases. When I was first put on the medicine, my blood sugar was a perfect 87. After being on the antipsychotic medicine, it was in the 200 range. This led to diabetes. I was put on something that didn’t work for me and caused a drinking problem. After three years of that I asked to be put back on the medicine that caused the weight gain. I gained more weight, but my mental state was so much better. It was worth all the side effects. For the last 2 years, I’ve been steadily losing weight because I began eating better and in smaller portions. Losing weight and lowering my blood sugar was possible even on the antipsychotic medicine. It never returned to the perfect value and I still have diabetes and high cholesterol. I feel I would have these anyway at this point in my life. All I can do is try my best to keep everything under control with a better diet.

Even though health reasons were one factor in why I wanted to stop taking antipsychotic medicine, that wasn’t the biggest concern. My main reason for only taking a Mood Stabilizer was because I wasn’t experiencing psychotic symptoms and the antipsychotic meds gave me physical symptoms I couldn’t live with anymore. My original medicine caused my tongue to swell all day. It also caused me to sweat profusely. I put up with it and then I was put on the newest one. My tongue wasn’t swollen anymore, but it caused me to talk all day. I couldn’t stop talking to myself. I also couldn’t walk well. And I felt like if I ate certain foods, I couldn’t breathe well. I felt like I couldn’t try another medicine that could possibly put me through more painful physical symptoms. There was no reason too. I haven’t had psychotic symptoms in 15 years, including today as I write this only taking a mood stabilizer.

This may not be the right treatment for everyone with Bipolar I. I think the reason why I can do this is because I did therapy and work in between therapy sessions to get clear on how to deal with life problems better. I feel like I’m on my way to living a life I’m satisfied with and happy about. I am a creator on my own and at some point, hope to co-create with other people whether I have a romantic relationship with them or a friendship with them.

I’ve also embraced my Psychic Mediumship gifts even though in real life, people, including one of my past therapists, is skeptical of them. I must admit, I’m worried about getting another therapist. My most recent one ended our sessions due to them getting a promotion. They were very helpful to me. I feel like they helped me develop great coping skills. I am nervous that the new therapist will try to tell me my Psychic Abilities aren’t real and that I need to stop my abilities! I’ve had people tell me that before! Even if I could shut it off, I won’t. In fact, I always remind them that I was on antipsychotics when I first discovered them. They are still here even though I’m not on them anymore. They are with me forever. I had them when I was younger, but I didn’t know how to use them. Once in awhile I had dreams of passed on loved ones communicating with me, but other then that, I usually didn’t have much happen.

I feel that I’ve done enough therapy in addition to taking medication consistently to only take a mood stabilizer now. The mood stabilizer keeps my brain chemicals at a stable level so I can feel emotions safely. I won’t change this treatment. It’s possible I could get kicked off disability for this, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take to let other people know that they have other options besides a medicine cocktail that contains an antipsychotic and antidepressant if they’ve done the same as me. I’m thankful for the cocktail for helping me get to this point. My body just said it was time for something different. I think that’s natural and healthy for the body to stop reacting to medicine.

Usually, doctors prescribe new medicines because the old ones stopped working, but they need to look at the therapy notes and see if a patient could be over medicated. In my case, I feel I was. I started losing more weight now all over my body. I’m slowly getting used to it. I’m so used to being heavier, but I now know my inner child is becoming an adult and this is just the beginning of the transformation.

Feel free to comment respectfully on this post. I know it’s a controversial take. If you disagree, that is your choice, just know that I’m committed to my choice in treatment.

Take Care and Blessings.